


Post s4e8 Missing Scene

by sad_eyed_lady_of_the_low_lands



Category: Killjoys (TV)
Genre: Drabble, Dutch and D'av pretend to be adults, F/M, Missing Scene, One Shot, PTSD, Post S4E8, discussions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-10
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-21 18:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16582130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sad_eyed_lady_of_the_low_lands/pseuds/sad_eyed_lady_of_the_low_lands
Summary: Dutch and D'av play at being adults and actually deal with the aftermath of Dutch's attempts at training Jaq.“I need to know that you get it, Dutch,” he turns to look at her, her features soft in the low light, hair tumbling over the pillows, her gaze fixed firmly on the ceiling. “That you know what you did to Jaq was wrong, that what Khlyen did to you was wrong!”Dutch rolls over, propping herself up on her elbow, “I get it, D’av. I do. And you know I never would’ve taken it as far as Khlyen, I wouldn’t do that to Jaq.”“It’s not about how far it went, Dutch, what Khlyen did to you was wrong.”“I get why you see what he did as abuse-““Dutch!”“Enough!” She sits up completely, the bedsheets pooling around her waist and glares hotly at him, “You have every right to be mad at me for what I did, but you do not get to tell me how to define my own experiences! Okay, I mean, what, you think since you’re a dad now you get to just decide my childhood was abusive?”





	Post s4e8 Missing Scene

“You get that what happened with Jaq was wrong, right?”

“D’av,” she sounds tired. For a moment he considers how much easier it would be to roll over, go to sleep, keep on pretending that everything’s fixed now.

“I need to know that you get it, Dutch,” he turns to look at her, her features soft in the low light, hair tumbling over the pillows, her gaze fixed firmly on the ceiling. “That you know what you did to Jaq was wrong, that what Khlyen did to _you_ was wrong!”

Dutch rolls over, propping herself up on her elbow, “I get it, D’av. I do. And you know I never would’ve taken it as far as Khlyen, I wouldn’t do that to Jaq.” 

“It’s not about how _far_ it went, Dutch, what Khlyen did to you was wrong.”

“I get why you see what he did as abuse-“

“Dutch!”

“Enough!” She sits up completely, the bedsheets pooling around her waist and glares hotly at him, “You have every right to be mad at me for what I did, but you _do not_ get to tell me how to define my own experiences! Okay, I mean, what, you think since you’re a dad now you get to just decide my childhood was abusive?”

D’av swallows his anger. She doesn’t mean to hurt him, he doesn’t mean to hurt her, but here they both are. But still, he can’t quite keep the emotion from his voice. “No, I think since my dad beat the shit out of me, I know what child abuse looks like.”

Dutch’s face falls, her shoulders slumping as the anger drains away, “Oh D’av, I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Dutch reaches over and squeezes his hand. 

“But that’s different, Khlyen had his reasons,” Dutch says calmly. 

D’av lets out a measured breath, “so did my dad.”

“Khlyen was trying to save the J, your dad’s a drunk who took his anger out on his kids. That’s a shitty reason.”

“And if he’d had a better reason, would that make it ok?”

Dutch shoots him a horrified look, “no, of course not!”

D’av leans back against the headboard and raises an eyebrow at her.

“… Okay I see your point!” Dutch sighs, and leans back, settling with her back against his chest. “But we need Khlyen, D’av. We never would’ve gotten this far without him and, he looked after me, in the green.”

She falls silent for a moment, “I think” she starts, voice hesitant now. “I told myself what I needed to hear to get through seeing him again, you know? Khlyen was all I had for so long I just really wanted to belive he loved me. And then it turns out he really was protecting me, preparing me, I mean he died for me! How do I reconcile that with being abused?”

“I don’t know,” D’av says. “My dad has… Basically no redeeming qualities and there’s still part of me that wants his approval.” 

Dutch reaches over and squeezes his hand, D’av squeezes back. 

“Look, you’re right, I don’t get to tell you how to feel about any of this. If you forgive Khlyen then I respect that, but don’t ever think that what he did to you was okay. You deserve so much better than that.”

Dutch winces, eyes widening momentarily, “I-“ She blinks rapidly. 

“Hey,” D’av reaches over and pulls her into a hug, Dutch sniffs and presses her face into his shoulder. 

“I think I do forgive him, D’av,” she says, “I understand why he did what he did, and you’re right that doesn’t make it okay but, it matters to me. Is that stupid?”

“No, it’s your trauma, there’s no wrong way to feel.” Dutch’s grip on him tightens. 

“D’av” she says, leaning back from him, “I’m sorry for what I did to Jaq and I promise it will never happen again.”

“Thank you,” D’av smiles are her, at least some of the weight lifting from his chest.

“Are we good?” Dutch asks, a little hesitantly. 

“Yeah,” he nods, “we’re good.”

“Good,” she smiles, widely, albeit a little tearily, “can we _please_ stop pretending to be responsible adults now?”

Laughing, D’av leans over and kisses her.


End file.
